Keep on the watch

"Jehovah is going to destroy these worldly people and if you insist on spending so much time with them, he will destroy you too" The above is a direct quote from one of our mothers, fathers, or any overzealous magazine wielding sycophant that we've crossed paths within our cult past. I'm confident that this quote is real and true because I can't remember who said it or when it was said. This kind of verbiage is a testament to the level of rhetorical fear saturation I and others experienced growing up as a Jehovah's Witnesses. Fear of death and abandonment were core concepts. "What will you do when we're not here to protect you" my father queried as I struggled to answer a question in my own words instead of directly from the printed paragraph. The idea that I may be separated from my parents was a common scare tactic used during my youth. It was always something like a government round-up and torture. Looking back, I see the silliness i...

I remember my first job - Locksmith's apprentice. My first assignment was dispatched from a decrepit toolbox onto our concrete driveway. "Here pick these deadbolt." A day earlier, my father had shown me his arsenal of lock picks and turning wrenches. They were all uniquely bent and crimped to fit just about any cylinder's manifold. "If you can pick those, I'll show you more."  I picked them all and by the time I was 12 years old, I could re-key just about any house lock and completely strip down and reassemble the steering columns for General Motors, American Motors or Ford vehicles. I loved that my father taught me this trade. There was something exhilarating about it. I was only about 8 years old when he handed me that bag of locks. I used to see him working with locks all the time, and like any child, I pondered what must have been going on inside of those shiny nobs. Children are good at looking past the surface. When they break things, they a...

Late in my last run as a Jehovah's Witness, I heard a song by former Beatle George Harrison. The song was called "The Art of Dying." This song's lyrics had echoes of eastern philosophy and religion lying under a festive, almost party-like instrumentation. I hated it. I tuned the lyrics out as soon as I realized they advocated some kind of fluffy notion of death. The Art of Dying? Yeah right. There is no art in death. It's a horrible thing that God will eliminate. What kind of fool would think there could be art in losing everything you have?  "There'll come a time when all of us must leave here Then nothing sister Mary can do Will keep me here with you As nothing in this life that I've been trying Could equal or surpass the art of dying Do you believe me?" I did not believe him.  By the time I found this tune, I'd seen my father and Grandmother pass away. There was no grace in their exits. There was no art to their depa...

There was a time when I was at a friends home when some of his extended family dropped in. I was used to this happening when I visited this particular friend. He had a large family and his aunt usually dropped off her daughter to play with us. This time, however, there was a boy, a toddler. I was about 10 or 11 at the time. I walked over to greet the youngster, and as I lifted my hand for a high five he recoiled into a full-bodied standing fetal retreat. The adults in the room all immediately chastised him "Stop that bobby! No one is going to hit you." I, having been on the receiving end of corporal punishment had never seen anything like that in my short life. When I got home I told my parents about this boy and they're responded flatly "Someone is abusing that boy." And that was that. There was no caution or alarm from my family. Though I never saw that boy again, I wonder how he's doing and if he ever escaped whatever horrors caused him to fear even the o...

"We may ask, Just what does obedience mean, and what is involved in our obedience? It actually means compliance with commands, a readiness to perform that which is required or directed by authority, a dutifulness. Obedience is a divine requirement and includes a joyful, willing submission to do the will of God."  w52 9/15 p. 557-558 "A divine requirement" Such an eloquent application of horseshit. Yet, a necessary evil in the day to day activities of a doomsday cult. It is objectively true that maintaining a perpetually obsequious base is of the utmost importance to the Watchtower, however, should we ask ourselves why they want this? Is this clamor for control important beyond their spiritual claims?  In so much as the leaders of the Watchtower would love to have completely mindless individuals at their disposal; it is far more useful to have members with at least a marginal ability to make decisions for themselves. This is the idea behind "making ...

It's a New Year. If you're here, it means you outlasted the terrible horseback calvary that's been bearing down on you since birth. It means your flight has not been easy and your deliverance has not been destiny. It means that at times you had to stop running and fight. Yes, you've had to face that ghoulish regiment that has been haunting your trek. There have been times that you've had to run faster and times you've had to stop and catch your breath, but you always push forward. You always move. Some days it felt like you'd moved so fast that you'd gone forward in time and some days it felt like you've become frozen in the present and resigned yourself to the clutches of the phantasms that were giving chase.  Never! You'll never stop moving, going, learning and becoming better than they said you could ever be. You made it this far because you had to see tomorrow! You had to know. You wanted to live there in the misty dew of a new day. I...

Dearest Selma, I remember the day you met Steve. We were at Chad's Christmas party and he was wearing that silly sweater. The one with Rudolf holding a machine gun and you were wearing that skirt you called the "sure thing." It was so inappropriate, but so you. You never let anyone or anything stop you from speaking your mind. I always wished I could be as strong or as free as you were. I knew that you two had some serious chemistry. You were both doing that thing where you talk through the person right in front you. You were talking with your hands like you never do. Steve was trying his best to play it cool, he was funnier than I'd ever heard. It was a beautiful dance and when you both finally came together, you instantly began talking over each other and flubbing every endearment. I think I remember you telling him that you "loved sweaters" and him telling you that he "once researched the history of high heels." We all just sat back and laug...

"Today is dawning, a new today! A new sun and a new blue sky Bluer than all the days I've seen. Yes, this one is the most vivid ever My vision is crisp and my joints are open. I can hear the wind whistle through the rolling landscapes My hair is thick and my skin is smooth. My hips are taught and my back is sturdy. My God has delivered the world to me. I am the meek, I have inherited the earth." These are the words I once heard spoken in a dream for someone else. I think they were all I could remember from a prayer given by a District Overseer on the closing day of a convention. It's rare to remember a prayer; most of them were boring and pretentious. This one was different. It waxed Poetic. I remember hearing noses sniffle as he relayed this tale of a woman waking up to her first day of life in the "New System." The last day of a convention was always a melancholy affair. During the intermission on the final day of the convention, it was common to...

The following letter was written by my good friend Stephanie Logan. Stephanie wrote this letter 3 months after her awakening and 2 months before she was able to formally leave the Watchtower organization.  It is a letter she wrote to future herself. As I read through this letter, I realized that it could have been written to any of us who have left or are hoping to leave. So to any who may be struggling, please let this letter serve as a shield that we may carry as we walk into the blinding winds of the rest of our lives. To My Weakest Self: I know. My dear sweet girl, I know. I know how afraid you are. I know the height and breadth of your fear. I understand it’s gravity. I know the shape of its shadow on the pavement when you walk on the road. I know how it follows you. I know how its demon claws puppet your features so that any look of serenity is morphed into a look of agony. I know that you cling to a raft of sanity, weathering a seemingly endless ocean of gr...

This week I'm going to do a review of the new watchtower publication "Pure worship of Jehovah restored at last." This publication is billed as a deep dive on the bible book of Ezekiel and the visions he reportedly experienced. The first thing you'll notice when you start in on this book is the stunning artwork. The painter of the images is obviously talented and devoted to presenting vivid and high-quality illustrations. The next thing you'll find is a letter from the governing body. This is a common occurrence for Watchtower publications however, it begs a closer look in relation to this particular book and the prophecies therein. The letter begins by attempting to reframe past failed bible interpretations. Dear Lovers of Jehovah: The year was 1971. Those who attended the “Divine Name” District Assembly held that year were thrilled to receive several new publications. The publications were described as “just beyond anyone’s imagination.” C...