They Were Right About You

"Jehovah is going to destroy these worldly people and if you insist on spending so much time with them, he will destroy you too"



The above is a direct quote from one of our mothers, fathers, or any overzealous magazine wielding sycophant that we've crossed paths within our cult past. I'm confident that this quote is real and true because I can't remember who said it or when it was said. This kind of verbiage is a testament to the level of rhetorical fear saturation I and others experienced growing up as a Jehovah's Witnesses. Fear of death and abandonment were core concepts.


"What will you do when we're not here to protect you" my father queried as I struggled to answer a question in my own words instead of directly from the printed paragraph.


The idea that I may be separated from my parents was a common scare tactic used during my youth. It was always something like a government round-up and torture. Looking back, I see the silliness in their perceived self-importance. Jehovah's Witnesses believe they are the center of the most important movement in human history. More important than the Israeli Exodus, more important than


I've often wondered why our parents felt the need to use fear as their primary tool for our indoctrination, as fear tends to be considered a crude and often traumatic instrument in childhood development.  The simple answer is that it works, at first. Fear is a great motivator in the short term and let's face it, our parents were not playing a long game with our development. If your parents were like mine (true believers), then you'll know that they expected the world to end any day after the day we were born. Whether they admit it or not, they viewed our lives the same way many of us viewed our lives. They believed we would either live forever in a sterilized fantasia or die young. This idea was as toxic for them as parents as it was for us as their children.


I too hate to admit what I went through and the reality of how I came to be writing these entries. Yet, it all happened and it was all connected. Their behavior coupled with the delusional notion of a coming judgment,  almost certainly lead our parents to believe that any level was justified in lieu of eternal cutting off. So many of them were able to righteously (in their minds) employ desperate measures in order to "get us through Armageddon."


There is no way to separate my awakening from the savaging my psyche experienced at the hands those I trusted most.


"You're going to end up like your uncle"


As the story goes, my Uncle was introduced to the Watchtower around the same time as my father by my grandmother. He was nearly baptized, however, he relented explaining that he would like to wait until he can "see Armageddon on the horizon" before committing to such a restrictive organization. He was murdered shortly after that and before being baptized, therefore guaranteeing his death would be used to indoctrinate his nieces and nephews for the rest of their lives.


Insults, predictions on our life outcomes, belittling us and our prospects of achieving any kind of autonomy and individualism were another way to keep us under control.


"You're dressed like a prostitute, don't be surprised if you get raped."


"Don't forget what happened to Jezebel!"


"You're going to get Aids!"


"Who do you think you are?"


"You're too stupid to make it without Jehovah's organization."


"No matter how successful you are in this world, it means nothing unless you have Jehovah."


"Where will you go?"


"Where did you learn to speak that way?"


"You've forsaken everything we taught you?"


"You sound like an Apostate!"


"We love you, however"


"You're no longer welcome in our home"


"Can we borrow some money?"


"Your father died last week."


"Unless you plan on coming back, please don't contact us again."


We have no such plans.


Fear no longer works on us.


The veracity of the bluster and demeaning rhetoric has taught us that there is literally nothing to return to. The totality of their argument against leaving their cult was nothing more than them telling us to stay in a place that was risk averse at best and abusive at worst.


We've come through loss, disease and unimaginable levels of pain and fatigue to stand before the gates of oblivion unimpressed with the blackness of the void.


These days I fancy myself a connoisseur in the art of survival. I've grown accustomed to hearing the inaudible cries for help that are uttered through the screams of the dying.


To that point, I present that the above quotes are nothing more than the flailing arms of a people drowning in their own bombast.


They saw in you, in us, a will that was bent toward independence and truth. A fire that was burning in us since birth and they sought to extinguish that fire. Take heart in knowing that the more brutal their assaults, the more lurid the flames that burn in our hearts.


In the end, if you walk this world free and with the fire still burning bright inside of you - know that they were right about you.